TRAGEDY

[riatixic]

I saw the tint of the world because of you
You nurtured me with sweet memories 
Delighted me with your loving presence
Contented for I knew I have you in this world
Suddenly I was awaken by this catastrophe
Death antagonize me to be happy
Death is  savage and egotistic
Doldrum surrounds me and no hope has given to me
This catastrophe ravage wholly of my system
I became vulnerable to everything
Locked myself in a gloomy abyss
Hatred covered my whole sanity
Despair swallowed single bit of me
LIfe became worthless and nonsense
For long,i was blinded by mere darkness
No hint of light can liberate me
Hauled myself to be someone I never dreamed to be
I dare death to  spare me
It doesn't respond and left me breathing



P.S. I need some comment please…. also help me to complete this…i am also not sure for my title..HELP

[cevance]

My, Oh My!

My first suggestion is----take a deep breath, and do some restructuring.



I viewed tints and shades of the world through you
Beheld by my eyes, a nurturing of memories

------------------------------------------------

My soul resides in an abyss of darkness.
In pretense as a friend, death awaits,


As for an ending to your piece----Uhhhhh---I can already see the ending with your last two sentences….What would be worse than to continue living in a despairing scenario?

Death won’t come----so it leaves you to endure…

  Of course though, I’m slightly insane. So you might want to disregard anything I suggest.

Anyway----I like what you’re writing. It creates some good (dark) images. Love’s loss can be extremely cruel.

C.E.Vance
Carl